What a gift today is......
after dressing in a sterile gown , mask & gloves I went into Carolyn's ICU room. I was there several times yesterday, but today was different. I got to be there with her alone. Just me and her. She, strapped down completely, tubes everywhere, unable to only see her back, a couple of her toes, & her hair, laying silent, rotating on the respitory life support bed, with only the noise of the machine, slowly, slowly breath by breath, breathing for her. This monster of a bed encompassing her entire being.
I found a short little stool that sat close to the ground. The one the doctors & nurses use to climb high enough over the bed to change the myriad of tubes & lines waving in & out of her precious body. As I sat so low to the ground I realized, that if I turned my head just right, I could see her eyes, her eyes closed, almost in reverance it seemed.
I tried to get as close as I could so she could hear me talking to her from behind my mask. I knew, even though in this induced coma, she would hear me, hear my heart, the deepest parts of my heart.
"Carolyn, it's me Karen, I know you can hear me." I talked to her about my own sadnesses, about my trials, about my Gethsemane, the one that has robbed me of so much. My MS, that has taken my legs, my voice to sing & my energy. I talked to her, sobbing in my own sorrow of not understanding my own trials & difficulties, & now, not understanding this, her, here laying here, lifeless, part of me thinking that she would answer me... "Where had time gone" I said to her, it was only yesterday we had your 4th birthday party. Mom & Dad had taken a 3 week long, well deserved trip to Australia & New Zealand. I was almost 21 and had been left in her charge. I would share the responsibility of her care with several of my other sisters. "What do you want for your birthday dinner Carolyn?" I said. "Chicken & wice," she said; it was her FAVORITE. Mom's chicken & rice. She had a hard time with her r's, so to her, it was "wice." I took Ashley, then about 7 or 8 years old, to Macfrugals to get $20 worth of fun little girl toys, things she would love. We set the table in pink, dressed her in one of her favorite Sunday dresses, put the carefully wrapped gifts in the center of the table & the party began. She was 4, she was perfect. Her perfect, pale little face, squinting eye smile, SHE loved her party.
Today at church we sang a hymn called "I Know That My Redeemer Lives," a hymn I love. As we sang, we got to a phrase I had sung 100s of times."...He lives to give us daily breath..." My heart jumped, "He LIVES to give us daily breath."
It is HIS breath, breathing, almost tangible, keeping her alive. I bowed my head, silently thanking my Heavenly Father for the breath of His son Jesus Christ.
In Alma 7:11-13 (for those of you not of our faith, this is in the Book of Mormon, a companion to the Bible, another testimony of Jesus Christ):

"And He shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions & temptations of every kind, and this that the word might be fullfilled which saith He will take upon Him the pains and sicknesses of His people. He will take upon Him death, that He may loose the bands of death which bind His people and He will take upon him their infirmities, tht his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh , that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

13 Now the Spirit knoweth all things, nevertheless the Son of God suffereth sccording to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of my people.....

I think many of us, as we think of the atonement & sacrifice of Jesus Christ, usually think that it was only our sins, that on that most sacred of nights in Gethsemane & on the cross, He suffered for.
No, not just that.
He suffered "ALL THINGS." He suffered & felt the sorrow & sadness of my parents, as they watch helplessly, wondering what the Lords plan is for their daughter, to live, or to return to Him. They,trying to understand & wrap their minds around their little girl, their precious little girl, laying silently. Of my father, waiting by the phone at home, he with his cancer, recovering from his recent surgery to perge his body of the tumors. Both mom & dad exhaused in worry, trying to be brave & have faith.
He suffered the doctors & nurses as they give every thing they can to save her life, they being tired from a long work day.
He suffered your & my sadnesses & disapointments, that at some or many times in all of our lifes we have & feel.
He suffered sweet Carolyn, waiting to wake up, with a new body to go forward in her life, if it be His will.
He suffered ALL of this & more.....that He may "succor" His people. You & me.
To "succor", to wrap in hope, in faith, in knowing that we are not alone. To comfort us, to boy us, to lift us, to carry us, when the load is too hard for us to carry on our own.
He has succored my sweet parents.
He has succored me, time & time again, I can not live with out His succoring.
He will succor all of us if he will accept His succoring.
He has suffered for Carolyn, He will succor Carolyn. I will forever be indebted to Carolyn, for in her unimaginable suffering, my life & own trials have found greater purpose.
I have a living and growing testimony of Jesus Christ, He does live to give us daily breath. He lives, I KNOW, that my Redeemer lives.
This I say, with all that is me, as an integral part of who I am, of who Carolyn is, of who my parents are.
In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen