As I looked at Carolyn for the first time in her ICU bed on Saturday & the doctors said they didn’t know if she would make it, I thought, has my life been THAT busy, that I haven’t taken the time lately, to stop & tell Carolyn how much I love her. I found my self feeling an enormous sense of sadness, it had been a long time since I’ve told her that, that I’m proud of who she has become & ALL that she is. I promised myself, then & there, that if the Lord would spare her life, I would never let another day pass, that I didn’t express the words of my heart to her & the others in my life that have made all the difference. I woke up in the middle of the night last night, my mind flooded with these thoughts & words. I’m eternally thankful that it looks like the Lord is going to give me another chance to say the words & thoughts of my heart to her & my other loved ones.
As she has been on respiratory life support, I’ve found myself holding my children a little longer,
& embracing my husband a little bit tighter. I wrote this poem as a reminder to myself of the shortness of time.

Today...
Have I said the words I need to say,
Or do I save them for another day.
Have I said the words I want to say
Or save them for after work & play.

As I think of this soul, did I stop & pick up
The phone, or write a simple note
Or did I say to the Lord,” I’m tired now,
I can barely stay a float”

Tomorrow Lord, I’ll speak those words
The thoughts of my deepest heart
But the sun comes up
And sets again…
waiting for the next day to start.

So time goes on, & on again
From hours, to days to years.
Have I said the words YET,
I needed to say, or simply
saved them for my own ears.

This soul is,
My sister, brother, mother & father,
my child, my spouse,
friends from years past.
Yet I still stay silent
a new day is here
And still run to & fro far too fast

Then the phone rings,

I listen

who could it be?

The news I never thought
I would hear,
“I’m sorry my friend to tell
you the news, but this soul
Is no longer here.

Where did time go?
I say to myself, there are still things
I wanted to say, I wanted to tell you
“I love you” my friend,
I should have said them all
yesterday.

Today IS the day,
The moment is now,
To embrace those words of the heart
I will say these words today Dear Lord,

before the next days start.

I’ll say those words
of gratitude, of kindness & of love,
I will stop what I’m doing
This moment and say
the words of my heart, all of love.

I love you Carolyn.

By: Karen Wilbert
October 27, 2009