Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween Night

I had the privelege of spending this evening with Carolyn. I am sure Carolyn would much rather have been at a halloween party dressed up as one of the characters from twilight, but we will have to wait for that until next year.I was glad because it saved me from going back and forth to the door handing out candy to the trick-o-treaters. Earlier today Heidi and I bought a book to leave in Carolyn's room so that it can be read to her. I don't know about Carolyn, but the rest of us were getting tired of hearing the Vegitales CD. The book is "The Undaunted" which I knew when we bought the book was the story of the pioneer saints sent to settle the southeastern part of Utah. The part I didn't know is that the story starts out in England in Yorkshire, telling the story of a coal miner in the 1860's. The book is written to imitate his strong accent, which I am sure I was absolutely killing, but I was doing my best. Carolyn was somewhat restless, so I am not sure if she was getting tired of my reading, or if she was just laughing inside because of the terrible job I was doing with the Yorkish accent, which the book makes out to be a very strong accent. So not wanting to cause her any reason to be stressed out I put the book aside and instead starting singiing some Hymns. She seemed to enjoy this more and was much more calm. Although it may have also had something to do with the medication that the nurse had given her. But I will just keep on telling myself that it was my awesome voice hat did the trick. Thanks again for all of the prayers that are being offered in Carolyn's behalf, it is making a world of difference for her. All of our best.

Shaun, the big brother in law.

Saturday, October 31 (PM) Update

Since tonight is Halloween and we have children coming to the door, I will be brief. Her vital statistics are the same (temperature remains elevated). The pneumonia is leaving her body very very slowly. We had (in my view) a break through today. She was alert most of the afternoon and was lifting her legs and arms. She responded well of the physical therapist. He is working with her so her muscles do not tie up. In a few days they will want to have try to walk so her muscles will need to be in good shape.

When Nancy went to leave at 5PM she grabbed her had and held tight. Like she was saying, "Please do not go". The hospital clears the ICU rooms of everyone from 5-7 to do change of shift things. Our son-in-law Shaun went down to be with her tonight -- Nancy is giving treats out to the kids who come to our door.

I would say we were excited with her progress this afternoon.

Val and Nancy

Saturday, October 31 (Update)

This morning I have visited with the nurse and the Doctor who is on call at the hospital. The message I received from them is not much different than what I have been giving you the past three days. She is not losing ground, but she is not gaining ground very fast either. The Dr. summarized it when he suggested that she has "hit a plateau".

Given this news and having faith that Christ can help her move from the plateau I have asked my family to fast again tomorrow for her. Should you be so inclined we would love to have you join us.

I am grateful for the restored Gospel that provides so much opportunity to help us "carry one anothers burdens". Thanks for your love, concern and prayers in Caroly's behalf.

Val

The Rest of the Story

Our dear family and friends,

We cannot begin to thank you enough for your faith and prayers for our precious daughter Carolyn and for our family. This is Nancy, her mother, writing to you all. There is much more going on in our family that I wanted to share so that you can get the whole picture.

A month ago my husband (Val) was in terrible pain and from where the pain was we thought it might be kidney stones, so I took him to the emergency room. They did a CT Scan and yes it was kidney stones. The Dr. showed me the Scan and said he has several large ones and several small stones but THEN said “look up here at the right lung.” I couldn’t believe what I saw, but a large mass in the lung. Val was admitted to the hospital right then. The next day the Urologist ‘blasted’ the stones and put in a stint up into his kidney. Then, later in the day the lung specialist had a biopsy done of the ‘mass.’ It was a malignant tumor bigger than a golf ball. Meanwhile the largest kidney stones were broken up but not into small enough pieces for them to pass. So the ‘blasting’ will have to be done again. But both the Urologist and the Lung specialist felt that the lung tumor needed to be dealt with before any more of the blasting of the kidney stones could be done. So…two weeks ago Val had lung surgery where they removed 1/3 of his right lung with the tumor in it plus 13 lymph nodes around the lung. Unfortunately they found more cancer in two of the lymph nodes so now he will have to have Chemotherapy. But before Chemo can occur Val has to go back to the hospital next week and have the kidney stones blasted again and the stint removed. Then two weeks later he starts the Chemo.

On Monday, the day before I brought Val home from the hospital (the very hospital Carolyn is in now) Carolyn was diagnosed with H1N1. And I had come down with a bad cold. So to be able to bring Val back to our home both Carolyn and I both had to wear surgical masks and I had to sterilize everything. Val could NOT get this horrible disease especially because of his recent lung surgery. It would literally take his life. This was now Tuesday. A few days later –Friday- is when Carolyn became so bad that I took her to the emergency room and as you as you may be following the blog for Carolyn you know the rest of the story concerning Carolyn and how deathly ill she is.

Carolyn’s Doctors and Nurses do not want Val at the hospital because there are 10 patients besides Carolyn in the ICU with the H1N1 and he is so susceptible. And it has upset him terribly. He has gone down to the hospital anyway 3 times and for only a few minutes because he could not stand being away. So… he talks to the doctors and nurses via the phone to get the updates. I also put my cell phone up to Carolyn’s ear so he could talk to her even in her unconscious state. Val felt he could do his part by writing to keep everyone updated on this blog and making and receiving necessary phone calls. He is at home, most of the time by himself, because I am down with Carolyn. Val is doing really well though. His incisions are healing well and he is feeling good and is in good spirits. We feel the Lord has blessed him immeasureably to get through all of this thanks to the Faith and Prayers of so many. And it is those same prayers that are helping to keep Carolyn alive and slowly, ever so slowly improving.

Next week Val will be in one hospital (American Fork) and Carolyn in another (Utah Valley-in Provo.) Thanks to my daughters who are here and so many dear friends who have offered their help to be with Carolyn, both Val and Carolyn will be covered and taken care of in and outside of the hospital either by me or these wonderful angels of mercy. Because for me that is what they are ‘Angels of Mercy.’ Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, is literally carrying us, comforting us and giving us strength and yes peace through this most difficult time. How GRATEFUL I am for His atoning sacrifice in our behalf. He IS our Redeemer and Savior and Son of our loving, gracious Heavenly Father. I leave this testimony with you and my sincere gratitude for all of you and your fasting, faith and prayers. And I say this in His Holy Name, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Much, Much love to you all,

Nancy

Friday, October 30, 2009

Friday, October 30 (PM) Update

As I talked with the nurse this afternoon, we talked about those things I have been sharing with you. Carolyn contines to make small gains. The staff continues to carefully remove her from the anesthetice (this process will take about another 72 hours.) She is going to be really frightened. This is because as she wakes up she will be disoriented and frightened because of tubes in her nose and throat and off of the other things she has attached to her body. How she responds to this very foreign environment will be extremely critical.

Her vitals continue to be stable. The first results from the culture that was taken last night is showing that there is still no sign of bacteria. She continues to go in and out of sleep. She appears to be recognizing people and responding to them. Her temperature contines to go up and down. (This tells the medical people that she is still under the influence of the H1N1 flu.

As I thought about what she will be experiencing the next 2-3 days, I could not help but think of the atonement of the Lord, Jesus Christ. The atonement has not only a redemptive side (that is the ability to allow us to over come sin through repentance), but it also has an enabling side. That is the Savior can literally enable us beyond ourselves at times like this and help us as we suffer any pain or sickness. The Prophet Alma in the Book of Mormon taught:

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. (Alma 7:11)

I am convinced Carolyn is going to need this side of the atonement to navigate the next several days. There are few young women as pure as she is and as worthy of this blessing as she is. She will also need all of our faith and prayers. I believe the Savior is caring her on his shoulders and that he will continue over the trying days.

I am grateful to have an understanding of the Savior's atonement and I get great strength from what I know about the knowledge that has come to us through the restoration of His Gospel to the earth about Him and His atonement. I know Carolyn has this same faith -- that is why she went on her mission. It is my prayer that all of us will be brought closer to the Lord, Jesus Christ and understand more completely His atonement through this experience.

I love you and Nancy and I pray for you daily.

Val and Nancy

Carolyn's middle name


Some of you may be wondering about Carolyn's middle name "Jerusha". Carolyn's middle name is after Jerusha Barden Smith, the first wife and true love of Patriarch Hyrum Smith. She was born on February 15, 1805 (great birthday by the way). Jerusha and Hyrum were married on November 2, 1826 in Manchester, New York. Jerusha died on October 13, 1837 following the birth of their sixth child, Sarah.

Friday, October 30 (AM) Update

It is 5:00 AM and I just spoke with the nurse before they began their shift change. If I waited any later I would talking to a nurse who had just come on duty and I wanted information from a nurse who had been with for Carolyn for a few hours -- hence the early morning hour.

Here is the report the nurse gave me this morning:

Her vital signs remain stable, except for the temperature and it went up again in the night. They were able to get it under control with Tylenol. Additionally, they (the medical staff caring for her) have taken a culture and are sending it to lab -- this is precautionary to insure that nothing has happened since they took the last culture several days ago.

She had a goods night rest.

At about 3:00 AM they observed that she was beginning to nod in a way that indicated she is waking up. They have changed the sedation medication to a more mild form.

She is now able to squeeze the fingers of the nurse and appears to be understanding them better as they talk with her.

It is now 11:30 AM and I just returned from running some errands. Since the information above, Carolyn was allowed to sit up for about 30 minutes and she was asleep for most of that time. She now better responding to commands like wiggle your toes, raise your eyebrows, squeeze my finger. She became exhausted when they asked her to raise her arm, although she accomplished the task. The IV's (intravenous tubes) have been in her neck and they are in the process of moving them to her arm. I will more tonight about the status of the x-ray for today. Again, these are small things, but they are moving in the positive direction.

We love each of your for your prayers and support.

Val and Nancy

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Thursday, October 29 (PM) Update

During the day today the following ever so small (baby steps, millimeter progress) have occurred.

Carolyn has been taken off of the medication that has kept her in the coma. And her pain is being controlled only by the pain medication. Phil, her respiratory therapist asked her to node if she heard him. She did this. He put his fingers in her hands and asked her to squeeze his fingers. She could not do this. He reminded me that we look for small gains. When Nancy took her hand and told her she was there Carolyn opened her eyes and tears flowed from her eyes and down her cheeks. Then closed her eyes again like she was out. Nancy just stroked her head and reassured her of our love and the love and prayers of so many. Both Nancy and Ashley wept with this recognition from her.

Phil also said the staff takes their queues from the patients about where they are and what the staff should do next. I am so grateful that we have the staff we do. They are really skilled and have enough experience to know how to read the little ques so they can keep the patient moving ever so slowly forward. We have come to love and appreciate them.

Her vital signs are still stable, except the slightly elevated temperature. They tell us they are 'cautiously optimistic.' She is still very, very sick and is as yet 'not out of the woods.'

We are grateful for your support. We love you and pray for you.

Val and Nancy

Thursday, Oct. 29 (AM) Update

Yesterday I reported that the nurse had her sitting up. She was able to stay in that condition for about 1/2 hour. She had some gagging and coughing. When this occurs they ever so slightly increase her sedation.

I have talked with the nurse twice this morning. Here is what I have learned from the nurse:
* Her vital signs remain stable.
* She has a slightly elevated fever and they working to get that under control.
* She slept soundly through the night.
* They are slowly lowering the sedation.
* The doctor is satisfied with her progress.
* The x-ray today showed slightly more clearing of the pneumonia from her lungs.

Again, thanks to everyone for you faith and prayers.

Nancy and her sister Ashley are just getting ready to go to the hospital. Ashley will be flying back home to Arizona this afternoon. Remember (and the nurses constantly remind us of this) we are measuring progress in baby steps (millimeters). I say this more for myself than anyone else, because I would like to see faster, greater progress. No doubt my personal refinement out of this trial is the development of greater patience.

We love all of you and pray for you.

Val and Nancy
As I looked at Carolyn for the first time in her ICU bed on Saturday & the doctors said they didn’t know if she would make it, I thought, has my life been THAT busy, that I haven’t taken the time lately, to stop & tell Carolyn how much I love her. I found my self feeling an enormous sense of sadness, it had been a long time since I’ve told her that, that I’m proud of who she has become & ALL that she is. I promised myself, then & there, that if the Lord would spare her life, I would never let another day pass, that I didn’t express the words of my heart to her & the others in my life that have made all the difference. I woke up in the middle of the night last night, my mind flooded with these thoughts & words. I’m eternally thankful that it looks like the Lord is going to give me another chance to say the words & thoughts of my heart to her & my other loved ones.
As she has been on respiratory life support, I’ve found myself holding my children a little longer,
& embracing my husband a little bit tighter. I wrote this poem as a reminder to myself of the shortness of time.


Today...
Have I said the words I need to say,
Or do I save them for another day.
Have I said the words I want to say
Or save them for after work & play.

As I think of this soul, did I stop & pick up
The phone, or write a simple note
Or did I say to the Lord,” I’m tired now,
I can barely stay a float”

Tomorrow Lord, I’ll speak those words
The thoughts of my deepest heart
But the sun comes up
And sets again…
waiting for the next day to start.

So time goes on, & on again
From hours, to days to years.
Have I said the words YET,
I needed to say, or simply
saved them for my own ears.

This soul is,
My sister, brother, mother & father,
my child, my spouse,
friends from years past.
Yet I still stay silent
a new day is here
And still run to & fro far too fast

Then the phone rings,

I listen
who could it be?
The news I never thought
I would hear,
“I’m sorry my friend to tell
you the news, but this soul
Is no longer here.

Where did time go?
I say to myself, there are still things
I wanted to say, I wanted to tell you
“I love you” my friend,
I should have said them all
yesterday.

Today IS the day,
The moment is now,
To embrace those words of the heart
I will say these words today Dear Lord,
before the next days start.

I’ll say those words
of gratitude, of kindness & of love,
I will stop what I’m doing
This moment and say
the words of my heart, all of love.
I love you Carolyn.


By: Karen Wilbert
October 27, 2009

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Thank you for your Strength & Support

Dear Family & Friends,

I went back to work today and EVERYONE asked how Carolyn was and wanted to know the latest. I am so humbled and full of gratitude for each of YOU. I have NEVER felt such an outpouring of love and faith in my life. It has been such a testament of what a wonderful young lady (relatively speaking) Carolyn is to everyone. Her whimsical and simple ways are an inspiration to us all.

At this time, I want to thank each of YOU for buoying my spirits each day~as selfish as that may sound. It was hard not being able to see Carolyn and be with her today, but just reading each of your posts and comments made my day better.... you made a difference in my life today and I just wanted to thank you because I know you made a difference in Carolyn's, as well!!!!

Though I don't know most of you...I LOVE you and appreciate you...being brothers and sisters in the Gospel of Jesus Christ is a wonderful feeling!!!

Our family is praying for each of you and your lives that you may have the same blessings in your lives, as we have truly been blessed with, especially in the last week!

~Heidi

Wednesday (Evening) -- October 28

Since this morning, Carolyn has made some small (millimeter) in size gains. Again Nancy and I have learned that millimeter is good as we face Carolyn's recovery.

Her respirtory therapist reminded Nancy this afternoon that Carolyn is extremely sick and her recovery will take a long time. He also said she is slowly making progress with an emphasis on slowly.

Now a couple millimeter size steps -- when Nancy and Carolyn's sister,Ashley went into her room, Ashley spoke to the nurse and they saw Caroly open her eyes momentarily. Later on Nancy was talking on the phone about what we were going to do for Thanksgiving and she raised her arm. Nancy told me it was clear she had heard and was responding to this. (We don't know if she was agreeing or disagreeing with what we plan on doing.

Later this afternoon they turned her bed into a reclining chair and had her in a sitting position. I do not have any more information than this. I will report more tomorrow.

Her vital statistics remained constant today. Although for a time her temperature was elevated a little.

Again we thank all of you for your faith and prayers and we pray for you.

Val and Nancy

Wednesday, October 28, Update

Nancy and I spent some time on the telephone a few minutes ago getting an update from the nurse. Here is what we know this morning -- Carolyn had a good restful night and all of her vital signs remain constant. This is all positive. We are learning that small gains are very important and the restful night was a small gain.

Today they will begin to bring her out of the medically induced coma. This will be done slowly and her nurse and respiratory therapist will monitor how she behaves to the tubes that are still in her throat.

I apologize for some bad information in the post yesterday late afternoon. I said one of the next steps was to get her up and walking. When the nurse told me "get her up" I assumed that she meant -- out of bed and walking when in reality she meant have her sit up. The bed she is in now can be turned into a reclining chair. She will not be leaving her bed, but she will be put in a position where she is sitting upright. This activity will be monitored by how much she coughs. At this point too much coughing is not good.

Again, everyone thanks for your love and concern. As a family we are convinced that all of your faith and prayers in her behalf is one of reasons Carolyn continues to get better. Not to mention that she is being cared for by world-class medical people using world-class methods and technologies.

We love all of you and pray for you.

Val and Nancy

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Tuesday, October 27 (Early Evening) Update on Carolyn’s Condition

This morning I reported that Carolyn had been on her back three times for over an hour. The last time she was on her back they left her there to see if her vital signs would be affected. At about 1:00 PM we found out that since she had been on her back for six hours with no change in her vitals the Dr. had decided she was a point where she could be removed from the Robo-bed. So at 2:00PM she was removed from life support bed.

I asked her nurse if she was “out of the woods” and she responded to me: “Val, it would be better to say that we have turned a corner." Later I hugged Carolyn’s respiratory therapist and he said to me that he thought we could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

It is now 8:00 PM and I just talked to Nancy who is still with her and her vitals signs are still stable.

The plan at this point is to keep her in the coma until sometime tomorrow and then they will bring her slowly out of it. About four hours after is out of the coma they will get her up and have her begin walking – slowly and not very far an first. This will help her lungs heal themselves and help her begin to gain her strength back.

We have been told this will be a long long process because her bodily strength has been almost totally depleted.

Again we love all of you and thank you again for your faith and prayers in her behalf. As a family, we are extremely grateful for our understanding of the restored Gospel of Christ. It has been our faith in the Savior’s plan of happiness and in the atonement of Christ that has carried us and will continue to carry us as we move into the future. It has been your faith in God and in prayer that has inspired many of you to join us in prayer for Carolyn – for this we love you and pray for you.

More tomorrow.

Val and Nancy

Prayers are being answered...

I just want to give a quick update about how Carolyn is doing. My Dad called the hospital around 1:00pm today to See how everything was going. Gena, the nurse told him that she had been on her back for 7 hours and stayed stable with her oxygen levels. So.....druM roLL PLeAse.....They were taking her off the special bed and putting her in a NORMAL hospital bed. She is still on her ventilator that is assisting her with breathing. We are hoping, with fingers crossed, that they will start taking her out of the medical induced sedation tomorrow and she can hopefully start some physical therapy to get her moving again.

Now with all of this being said, this would never have happened without the prayers and support that each and everyone of you have given on behalf of her. I can't begin to tell how much humility our family has felt with the love and support we have received. This journey is FAR from being over, but we've turned a corner!

WE LOVE YOU ALL!

~Ashley

Tuesday, October 27 Update on Carolyn's Condition

Nancy and I just talked to both the nurse and the doctor who are taking care of Carolyn. Again we appreciate your love and concern for us and especially for her.

The vital information for today includes:

1. During the last 24 hours she was on her back 1¾ hours or more three times. When we talked to them she had been on back for three hours.
2. All of her vital signs are staying stable. And they are very close to the same when she is on her back or on her tummy.
3. Her kidneys continue to function normally.
4. To date the culture is showing that there are no bacterial infections, the final report will be out later today.
5. The x-ray of lungs is showing the pneumonia is still there—but is SLOWLY disappearing on the lower part of one of the lungs.

All of these things are EVER SO SLOWLY moving Carolyn in a positive direction. We continue to hang onto these small gains with great hope. We love each of you and are appreciative of your prayers and thoughts.

With MUCH gratitude to you all,

Val and Nancy (Carolyn’s parents)

The Lesson of Larry & His Hairbrush

Dear Family & Friends,

My dad will give you an update on Carolyn's vitals, etc., but I just wanted to share more personal thoughts.

Sunday night I stayed with Carolyn and went home for rest yesterday afternoon. Upon getting ready to go to work early this morning, I called Ashley and asked her how Carolyn was doing. She said that she was fine, but had gone home because she was beyond exhausted. Ashley has not slept since she arrived on Saturday because of wanting to be with Carolyn.
Immediately my work clothes came off and my jeans and Texas Longhorn sweatshirt were on....I phoned my asst. principal and secretary and told them to hold down the fort, as I needed to continue to be with my sister. I stopped at Wal-mart on my way and decided to pick up a CD for Carolyn. My wonderful sister Karen had this great idea of having Carolyn listen to Disney music (she is the Disney connoisseur of the family) and there was Veggietale CD (yet she is the connoisseur of fine Veggietale tunes, as well -- she especially loves some guy named Larry, the Cucumber).

As soon as I arrived, I dropped all my stuff in the waiting room and scrubbed up to go see Carolyn -- all excited to have her listen to this Veggietale CD (my kids were Dora and Teletubby kids, so I am not so familiar with Veggietales)...though Carolyn is always singing about a hairbrush and Larry, who has no hair.

Upon arriving in Carolyn's room, Gena, one of her incredible nurses was there. She told me Carolyn had been on her back since about 7 am today (this is wonderful news)... I arrived about 9 am. I asked if Carolyn could still listen to music and she said, "Sure, the CD player is right here..." I put "The Veggietales Greatest Hits" on and though Carolyn is still in a comotose state, I know she was singing along with it....I could hear and see her...dancing and singing (with the broomstick that would pose as a microphone). This is our Carolina Rose Flower.... Yes, she has such a deep spiritual side to her and I know that is what is keeping her alive, amongst the prayers and fasting from throughout the world, but in the two hours I was with her this morning, I saw that cute, playful side....singing about Larry, the Cucumber (and his hairbrush -- though he has no hair).


One of the songs was about being grateful. I teared up as I thought about how Carolyn would be grateful and how grateful I am, personally for her remarkable progress to-date. Though Carolyn is where she is, I am truly grateful for the many blessings she has brought into my life. She is the "bonus baby" in our family (as she proudly calls herself) and she truly was and is that... she has brought so much light and sunshine into our family with her cute ways and sweet personality.

As we approach this Thanksgiving, I want to publically express my gratitude for a Loving Father in Heaven, who loves us so individually and knows us each by name. I don't know where I would be without the Gospel of Jesus Christ, but I do KNOW I am who I am today BECAUSE of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the missionaries that found my ancestors and shared the Gospel with them. I am grateful for my ancestors, who through the Spirit, knew it was true and accepted the restored gospel into their lives. I am grateful for parents, like Nephi calls them, "Goodly Parents" that raised us with truth and light. I am grateful for 6 BEAUTIFUL sisters and 1 DASHINGLY HANDSOME brother, who though we have our differences at times, have been wonderful examples of kindness, meekness, and Christ-like love--moreso than I feel I deserve. I am grateful for my ultra-amazing husband and four beautiful children, who ARE God's hands in my life, especially through our most recent trials the last three months.

To each of you, I bear testimony, that I have no doubt that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true and has been restored to the earth today. I am grateful for a 14 year old boy that endured persecution for 25 years of his life and was willing to do so REGARDLESS of the personal trials it would cause because it was and is true. I know that there is a living prphet of God that is on the earth today, President Thomas S. Monson, who leads and guides us and literally, "communes with Jehovah." I am grateful for the opportunity that Elaine (one of my sisters) and myself had to go to Israel and walk in the footsteps of the Savior. The Savior truly atoned for our sins and walks with us daily. As my sister Karen said and I testify that the days we are struggling, He literally breaths for us. Of these things, I bear my personal testimony. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

~Heidi

Monday, October 26, 2009

Match Maker, Match Maker, Make Me A Match...

This just proves how much we love Carolyn and want her to be married and have the joys that come with it. In the waiting room they have a check in station with someone sitting there to make sure they are keeping track of how many go back at a time and that you know the person that is in ICU and aren't some random person off the street. A guy in his early to late twenties was sitting there studying. (I can only assume that he's a college students, duh) Karen starts talking to him to see if he's dating and takes the computer over to him to show him a picture of Carolyn. Then tonight our Mom goes up to him again and starts talking Carolyn up and how when she gets through this that they should meet. I thought I was going to roll on the floor laughing. This for two reasons. #1 We want Carolyn to get married, and #2 She is in a medical induced coma and my family is still trying to match her up.

Shows how much faith we have that she's going to pull through...this way she'll have a date when she gets up :)

WE LOVE YOU CAROLYN!!!!!

I just want to paint her toes..."The Office"

Something a little lighter...
The other night as several of my sisters & I went in & out of the room, we noticed Carolyn's toe nail polish had almost warn off. As I left my house yesterday, I hurried & grabbed a bottle of finger nail polish in a light tan color. As I gowned & went into her ICU room, I put it in my pocket. I pulled it out & asked the nurse if I could paint her toe nails. Ashley said, 'well what color", I said, this color, she responded emphatically "she'll hate that color, why didn't you bring something brighter, like hot pink." Well, you have to know that to GET to Carolyn's toes, I would have to bend WAY over & under this life support bed, & honestly almost have to lay upside down on my back to get too. Now this alone would have been a site it self...This bed that costs $2,000 a DAY to use. I asked the nurse if I could paint her toes. She just looked at me & said, "um, I don't know about that" I said, I promise I'll be careful." And then I realized, it wasn't so much about the logistics of painting her nails, but about the frightful, nightmarish possibility of SPILLING the nail polish on this MUCH COVETED BED, one of the only THREE in the state of Utah....can you imagine, this engineering master piece with dried nail polish spills on it, just so some crazy sisters could make themselves feel better, by painting their comatose sisters toes. funny huh? To me, that thought just struck me as funny...Silly ol' us. Silly ol' sisters, just wanting to doll her all up.
Another funny thing. Last night, I realized that Carolyn had missed last weeks episode of the "Office." So, I thought I would take it upon myself to catch her up. It was great, whatever I missed, Carolyn's night time respiratory nurse Jared (who, I was trying to set Carolyn up with, until he told me he was married with 3 kids), filled in, so funny. I bet she was laughing SO HARD inside her head. She is SO funny & loves so much to laugh... oh our Sweet Carolina, we can't WAIT to laugh with you again.
Karen

What is happening to Carolyn.......

This entry is written by Carolyn’s father. Her mother and I and the family have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love for Carolyn. We appreciate all of your faith and prayers and we will continue to appreciate your faith, prayers and fasting in behalf of Carolyn. She is critically ill and it may be weeks before she recovers. We have been overwhelmed by how fast and how well social networking works. Responses to posts on this blogspot are from her friends from around the world. Comments on her Facebook wall are the same. She loved her friends not only in the US but in England and in Norway as well.

With this introduction I want to explain about her conditions so you have some appreciation for how sick she really is. She is currently in a medically induced coma. In this condition she is on a special bed called a Robo-bed by the Doctors. This bed allows her to lie on her tummy so her lungs are free to move more easily as Carolyn breathes. She is also on a venelator that is a large tube down her throat and esophagus that helps her to breathe and get enough oxygen. The Robo-bed is cylinder in shape and rocks very slowly back and forth. We hope to post a picture so you can see it. Periodically she is moved to her back. The goal is for her to lay and breathe the same amount of time on either her tummy or her back without any of her vital signs being affected. These vital signs include her oxygen absorption, blood pressure, pulse, temperature. The doctors do not know how long she will be on this bed. Some of the concerns they have include: is the pneumonia still damaging the lungs, is it a virus or a bacteria, if it is bacteria has it spread to the other organs (liver, kidneys), how inflamed are her lungs, etc.

Once she is taken out of the Robo-bed she will be kept in a comatose state until after the lungs are free from infection and are not inflamed. At this point she will be removed from the coma. Once out of the coma she will be extremely weak and will still need to be nourished through a tube until she is able to eat solid foods and walk on her own.

During the time she is comatose there is a risk of other complications occurring that could worsen her condition. Given all of these variables the doctors cannot predict how long she will be on the Robo-bed, once out of the bed how long she will kept comatose or how long her recovery will be after she is removed from the comatose. This whole process could be days, weeks or months. A lot of it hinges primarily on how well and how fast she heals once the infection is gone. The one thing I do know is that she will be on her computer and cell phone wanting to thank each of you for your love and concern.

I hope this helps you understand how critically ill Carolyn is and why she will continue to need your continued faith and prayers for perhaps weeks. We will keep you informed on progress as we receive it from the doctors. It will be the same very general terms that we are receiving. It is hard to remember that they are looking for very small gains.

We have been told that the team of doctors, respiratory specialists and nurses working on her are perhaps among the best pulmonary teams in the world – for that we are extremely grateful. We are, again, grateful for the love and concern you have for our daughter – we love each of you for this.

Val and Nancy

"I just wanted to see her face"

2:22 pm
I was just in with Carolyn. They had her on her back for a few minutes. I could see her face, her beautiful, VERY swollen face. While there, Phil walked in (Phil is Carolyn’s primary respiratory therapist). He said, I just wanted to see her face.” I noticed that Phil wasn’t in his hospital scrubs, but in jeans & a regular shirt. I asked Phil if it was his day off, sure enough, it IS Phil’s day off. He came in just because he wanted to see her face”. I’m sure Phil could have been anywhere, doing the laundry list of things I’m sure he needed to do today. I realized that at some time, some hour, some minute, that Phil & his staff quit looking at Carolyn as a lifeless body, just laying there & started looking at her as a person with a name, a young woman with loves & talents, a life outside of here, as a daughter of God. That Carolyn’s “care staff” really does care, they genuinely care for her, in every sense of the word. That they aren’t just here to collect a pay check, but also because they want to save lives, to save Carolyn’s life. This brings me & my family great comfort. She is in the BEST place she could be! We are SO thankful for Phil & the nursing staff!
As you pray for Carolyn & my family, please also include these people that are caring for Carolyn. They need our prayers too.
love to all,
Karen

Almost noon and here we are....

I wish I could say that she is improving and that everything is progressing like we would like it to. I wish the doctor's could give us a definite and say that in a few days, this will all be okay. That she'll be off life support by X day and that everything is going to be just fine. At this point we hear the same things; she's stable and that's all they can tell us.

As a family we are frustrated, that we can't have definite answers, but are grateful that she is at least stable. The scripture Proverbs 3:5-6 keeps running through my mind.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thy own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path."

We are all tired; emotionally, physically, and mentally. We hear the prayers that are given on behalf of Carolyn and our family and are humbled by the gratitude that has been bestowed on our family. They tell us that Carolyn can't hear us, but we disagree. We know she desperately wants to be able to converse with us.

Please continue to post your comments and thoughts we believe it is imperative in helping her come back to us. They are uplifting to us and keep us going. We love you all and again are so thankful for all of the love and support that we are getting all over the world.

~Ashley

Update on Carolyn Overnight -- Monday Morning @ 6:00 am

Family,

I have been with Carolyn overnight. Because she was able to sustain herself so long on her back yesterday, it set her back a little tonight and she was only able to stay on her back for about 20 minutes. I was privileged to help the nurse give her a sponge bath and change her gown. She actually breathed a few minutes at 100% on her own. She is "wiggling" around and trying to get her arms out of the contraption, so they have given her a little more sedation, but are monitoring it carefully, as they don't want her to have too much and then have to rely on the life support pump to keep her alive completely. Her oxygen saturation level remains at about 85, which is relatively good. The doctor will be in within a few hours to give us more updates.

I have read the comments from others on the blog....keep writing them and adding your thoughts. We want to print it out for Carolyn to have when she awakens from this deep sleep. I am touched by the outpouring of love, as is our whole family. Carolyn was one who just knew how to "touch" people by just being herself. What a remarkable and amazing gift.

We will continue to keep you up-to-date on her progress. We love her so much and want is what is best for her right now.

~Heidi

Sunday, October 25, 2009

What a gift today is......
after dressing in a sterile gown , mask & gloves I went into Carolyn's ICU room. I was there several times yesterday, but today was different. I got to be there with her alone. Just me and her. She, strapped down completely, tubes everywhere, unable to only see her back, a couple of her toes, & her hair, laying silent, rotating on the respitory life support bed, with only the noise of the machine, slowly, slowly breath by breath, breathing for her. This monster of a bed encompassing her entire being.
I found a short little stool that sat close to the ground. The one the doctors & nurses use to climb high enough over the bed to change the myriad of tubes & lines waving in & out of her precious body. As I sat so low to the ground I realized, that if I turned my head just right, I could see her eyes, her eyes closed, almost in reverance it seemed.
I tried to get as close as I could so she could hear me talking to her from behind my mask. I knew, even though in this induced coma, she would hear me, hear my heart, the deepest parts of my heart.
"Carolyn, it's me Karen, I know you can hear me." I talked to her about my own sadnesses, about my trials, about my Gethsemane, the one that has robbed me of so much. My MS, that has taken my legs, my voice to sing & my energy. I talked to her, sobbing in my own sorrow of not understanding my own trials & difficulties, & now, not understanding this, her, here laying here, lifeless, part of me thinking that she would answer me... "Where had time gone" I said to her, it was only yesterday we had your 4th birthday party. Mom & Dad had taken a 3 week long, well deserved trip to Australia & New Zealand. I was almost 21 and had been left in her charge. I would share the responsibility of her care with several of my other sisters. "What do you want for your birthday dinner Carolyn?" I said. "Chicken & wice," she said; it was her FAVORITE. Mom's chicken & rice. She had a hard time with her r's, so to her, it was "wice." I took Ashley, then about 7 or 8 years old, to Macfrugals to get $20 worth of fun little girl toys, things she would love. We set the table in pink, dressed her in one of her favorite Sunday dresses, put the carefully wrapped gifts in the center of the table & the party began. She was 4, she was perfect. Her perfect, pale little face, squinting eye smile, SHE loved her party.
Today at church we sang a hymn called "I Know That My Redeemer Lives," a hymn I love. As we sang, we got to a phrase I had sung 100s of times."...He lives to give us daily breath..." My heart jumped, "He LIVES to give us daily breath."
It is HIS breath, breathing, almost tangible, keeping her alive. I bowed my head, silently thanking my Heavenly Father for the breath of His son Jesus Christ.
In Alma 7:11-13 (for those of you not of our faith, this is in the Book of Mormon, a companion to the Bible, another testimony of Jesus Christ):

"And He shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions & temptations of every kind, and this that the word might be fullfilled which saith He will take upon Him the pains and sicknesses of His people. He will take upon Him death, that He may loose the bands of death which bind His people and He will take upon him their infirmities, tht his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh , that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.
13 Now the Spirit knoweth all things, nevertheless the Son of God suffereth sccording to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of my people.....

I think many of us, as we think of the atonement & sacrifice of Jesus Christ, usually think that it was only our sins, that on that most sacred of nights in Gethsemane & on the cross, He suffered for.
No, not just that.
He suffered "ALL THINGS." He suffered & felt the sorrow & sadness of my parents, as they watch helplessly, wondering what the Lords plan is for their daughter, to live, or to return to Him. They,trying to understand & wrap their minds around their little girl, their precious little girl, laying silently. Of my father, waiting by the phone at home, he with his cancer, recovering from his recent surgery to perge his body of the tumors. Both mom & dad exhaused in worry, trying to be brave & have faith.
He suffered the doctors & nurses as they give every thing they can to save her life, they being tired from a long work day.
He suffered your & my sadnesses & disapointments, that at some or many times in all of our lifes we have & feel.
He suffered sweet Carolyn, waiting to wake up, with a new body to go forward in her life, if it be His will.
He suffered ALL of this & more.....that He may "succor" His people. You & me.
To "succor", to wrap in hope, in faith, in knowing that we are not alone. To comfort us, to boy us, to lift us, to carry us, when the load is too hard for us to carry on our own.
He has succored my sweet parents.
He has succored me, time & time again, I can not live with out His succoring.
He will succor all of us if he will accept His succoring.
He has suffered for Carolyn, He will succor Carolyn. I will forever be indebted to Carolyn, for in her unimaginable suffering, my life & own trials have found greater purpose.
I have a living and growing testimony of Jesus Christ, He does live to give us daily breath. He lives, I KNOW, that my Redeemer lives.
This I say, with all that is me, as an integral part of who I am, of who Carolyn is, of who my parents are.
In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

Keep the Faith

Carolyn,
It is amazing to think about all of the faith and prayers that are being offered in your behalf. There are so many people who have fasted for you today, and the prayers being offered up in your behalf are many. This is not only a demonstration of faith and the Gospel, but more importantly of the love that so many people have for you. Your life and your spirit have touched the lives of so many people including me. I can honestly say that my life has been made better because of you. I am glad to call you my sister-in-law and my friend. You are part of an amazing family that loves you very much, and I am blessed to be a part of that family as well. You are in our hearts and we love you very much. The spirit of the Lord is with you. You have kept the faith and are one of his blessed daughters. We are confident in the knowledge of the Gospel and that the Saviour will bless your life at this time with blessings unimaginable.

Love,
Shaun, the biggest brother-in-law.

Thoughts & Memories of Carolyn...

I was able to see Carolyn yesterday and she is a fighter. Judds are all fighters. There were two distinct events that were brought back to me because of Carolyn's state right now:

1. Our youngest daughter, Kaia, was born 10 weeks early. The first 72 hours, like Carolyn would determine if she lived or died. Kaia is now 8 years old and in the NICU of the hospital, the first few weeks of her life, she was nicknamed by the nurses, "Spitfire" because of her will to live. Carolyn is a spitfire in her own way and is a fighter.

2. The day Carolyn was born...she was born the day before my 19th birthday. I will never forget seeing her for the first time and thinking, "She could be mine." Since then, in her own way, she has been like my own, but a special sister in a special way.

The last few days, I have sensed the presence of angels, especially in Carolyn's room. I know angels are real because of experiences I have had, especially at Kaia's birth. Carolyn is on earth for a reason. She is loved by so many, including my little family.

This message is to Carolina "Rose Flower KiKi" Judd (the name she gave herself when she was little)....I love you!!! Don't give up now. You are loved by so many and your testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is so evident in the way you live your life. Remember who you are... you are truly a Daughter of God.... He loves you!

Tonight is my opportunity to stay with Carolyn and I am looking forward to the time I get to spend with her and watching her progress towards "wellness." I love you Carolina Rose Flower!!!

~Heidi, Sister #1, Sibling #2

24 hours in....

I have had the privilege of being here with Carolyn at the hospital all night. I have gone in and checked on her several times. The staff has been great! Carolyn's stats look good and she is responding well to feedings.

Karen, Elaine, Janae, myself, our Mother and our Dad (via cell phone) met with one of the respiratory therapists last night. my parents have decided to have Carolyn be a part of a study called "The Eden Study." One of the other Judd Girls that attended, will blog about what exactly that is and how it will help others along with the meeting with the respiratory therapist.


We will also be getting a timeline out of how this all has started to where we are now.


Please continue to pray for our sweet sister and daughter! We feel each of your love and prayers!

~Ashley

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Here is what's going on....

This blog is created to journal the journey of what my sweet sister, Carolyn Jerusha Judd is going through, for posterity and for those who want to keep current with her condition. Carolyn has been struggling with bronchitis. The bronchitis worsened and became pneumonia. Last week we thought the pneumonia was under control and all of a sudden everything worsened. Carolyn was tested and found positive for the H1N1 virus.

Carolyn has been staying with my parents while she has been sick. Late yesterday afternoon my mother took Carolyn to the emergency room at American Fork Hospital, as she was having problems breathing. She was admitted to the hospital and soon to ICU. Carolyn had 24 observation and in the morning the doctors decided that she wasn't able to breathe on her own, nor did they have the equipment care for her properly. She was brought to Utah Regional Medical Center where she was put on a ventilator to help her breathe.

At this point, we were not sure how much time she had and/or id she was going to make it. We as a family have come together. Ashley (me) has flown up from Phoenix, and Janae will be here in a couple hours from Colorado. Mckay our brother, is waiting a couple days to see how things go.

There are 140 special beds that are made for people who are in critical respiratory problems. This bed is made to rotate so that the fluid in the persons system is moving through out the body and the fluid won't stay dormant. There are 3 of these special beds in Utah. Carolyn was BLESSED to get the last of the 3 beds. This bed is saving her life. Since she has been in her stats have gone up. This bed is what's keeping her alive.

I will write more later.